A week ago, we took you inside The NFL Combine interview rooms, where difficult questions with no meaning whatsoever are responded to by college athletes with no idea what the f**k the inquiry is all about anyway.
Today, we go deeper. The Combine interview rooms were not enough for both of our devoted readers, or at least the two with inquiring minds.
Yes, we're dropping in on Richie Incognito and one of his sessions with his counselor at the mental health facility into which he checked himself.
A bit later, we'll look in on Michael Vick, Champ Bailey, Devin Hester and Demarcus Ware and try to figure out why they're not getting any love.
But first, off to Phoenix, where I am putting my house there up for sale now that I know Richie Incognito has one there, too.
It's still standing, I believe.
THE INCOGNITO INTERVIEW:
Counselor (with British accent and a pipe): Mr. Incognito, do you understand why you're here?
Counselor: So, tell me then…
Incognito: To kick your mother-f**kin' ass, you weak piece of sh*t.
Counselor: No, Mr. Incognito, that is exactly the problem we're here to fix.
Incognito: Dude, I'm not sure if I can help you not be a mother-f**kin' piece of sh*t.
Counselor: No, that's why you're here!
Incognito: Yeah, I know. I been sayin' that on Twitter for weeks now.
Counselor: Mr. Incognito, there is no Twitter here at the facility.
Incognito: Well, there's no Twitter for you. But Jonathan Martin knows I can reach him from wherever I am, whenever I want to.
Counselor: That's exactly the behavior we're trying to eliminate. You have to stop bullying, intimidating and threatening others.
Incognito: I'm not bull-sh*tting anybody. I shoot straight, dude. The truth will do you in.
Counselor: Ah, yes, the truth, Finally, that's what we're getting at. Good show. Now, tell me exactly what's on your mind.
Incognito: Well, Doc, I've actually got a few questions.
Counselor: I'm not a doctor, Mr Incognito. I'm a social worker.
Incognito: Dude, that's exactly what I'm trying to do here, social work.
Counselor: You mean social media work, don't you?
Incognito: No, I don't want to talk to the media. They make me look sick and ask me questions like I'm some kind of mental patient or something.
Counselor: Uh, Mr. Incognito, you are in a mental facility, you know?
Incognito: Really, 'cause I thought this was a hospital.
Counselor: It is a hospital.
Incognito: Can't be. I ain't seen no ambulants or nothin'.
Counselor: No, you see, people get driven here or drive themselves here in their own cars.
Incognito: Really? Any Ferraris?
Counselor: Oh dear, well, Mr. Incognito, our time is almost up for today.
Incognito: Yeah, I know. Hey, before you go, where can I get a baseball bat?
[NEXT WEEK: GROUP THERAPY!]
I JUST WANNA' BE FREE:
Free agency is putting a lot of big names on the market, big names who formerly had big contracts.
For instance, Denver is releasing Champ Bailey, who everyone is calling a future Hall-of-Famer. Looks more like the next Ed Reed at the end of his career to me.
But instead of releasing him, why not Tony Carter and Rahim Moore? Remember them? Remember Jacoby Jones running by them for a game-tying touchdown late in a January 2013 game that the Broncos were supposed to win?
Well, when you're that bad, you don't make as much money as the future Hall-of-Famer, right?
Speaking of future Hall-of-Famers, Dallas is struggling to decide whether to retain pass-rusher supreme Demarcus Ware.
No, wait…he couldn't possibly be a future Hall-of-Famer. He plays for Dallas' defense.
Here's an idea, Dallas: get rid of the idiot general manager trying to make the decision on trying to convince Ware to take a pay cut. No, wait, he owns the team.
That's the problem!
And one of the NFL's all-time leading kick returners is available now, too. No, Deion Sanders is not coming out of retirement.
Could've been worse. At least he didn't leave his guns in the trunk of his car like Lauren Tannehill did. Those Dolphins, what a franchise. No wonder Richie Incognito loves playing there.
It's believed Incognito wants to sign wherever his off-the-field idol Michael Vick signs.