Juice This: Going off the Reservation

Juice This Reservation Glennon Trump Lynch NCAA

We’re going off the reservation this week, and not just “Trumpian.” Fashion your chin straps, among other things.

Is it just me, or wasn’t Monster formerly a huge job-search site? Now it’s an energy drink (and a job-search site) that is a title sponsor for NASCAR and Indeed is the gigantic job-search site. But, Indeed—I mean, indeed, is only a job-search site.


Got all that? I don’t.

Seen the commercial for eHarmony where the girl is asked how her dating life is going and the scene shifts to a restaurant where she is out with her setup but he’s glued to his phone and jumps in wildly celebratory style out of his chair, completely ignorant of her, knocking over the approaching waiter’s tray and thoroughly embarrassing the husband-hungry honey? Guys are just such unsophisticated losers, aren’t we?

I know women like that. Really. Don’t I, oh fave former Louisville blogger DeeDee (yeah, you, D—I’d write your full name here but your career is in the balance)?

Are the Bears really going to be better with Mike Glennon at quarterback instead of Jay Cutler? How about an offensive line? Receivers who can catch the ball, a key prerequisite. And, defenders who can rush the passer and make a tackle.

Is this for real? The Golden State Warriors are considering Personal Seat Licenses for their new arena in San Francisco. In other words—hey Oakland, where we play now, so long. You can’t afford us.

Is it just me or is John Lynch actually signing real football players in San Francisco?

Juice This Reservation Glennon Trump Lynch NCAA

Geographical postseason college basketball this year: The Big 10 is playing its conference tournament in not-so-conference-centric Washington, D.C. The ACC is playing its tournament in not-so-conference-centric Brooklyn. How long until the NCAA Final Four is played on an open-field court in central Kansas, with unlimited seating? Really, they could just keep selling tickets—no seating limits or restraints. Just set up lots and lots of Jumbotrons. What do you think people sitting in the rafters are watching the game on now at those NFL arenas they use?

OK, I lied: Going political here, but someone call me when Donald Trump tells the truth about anything—no re-releasing the Billy Bush tape allowed. Which reminds me—Melania stays in NY; he stays in D.C. Sounds like a happy marriage.

I have come to the conclusion that Wikileaks is the most-influential government agency there is. Well, for Russia’s government. Come to think of it, for Trump’s administration. How come? By the way, don’t they have the Brady Tapes from DeflateGate in their treasure trove of a library full of hacked materials? Shouldn’t they?

Is Ivanka’s new jewelry line out? Anyone know? I need a birthday gift for my wife. They should be inexpensive, I would think. Lower East Side street vendors in NY who are selling them off drop sheets and blankets aren’t selling knockoffs, they’re selling the real thing.

A serious note and a heartwarming one: Little 11-year-old Olivia Lettich’s use of eSight (she’s legally blind) at a Calgary Flames game so she could “watch” the game and appreciate it and see the players and skate on the ice with them pre-game was one of the most heartwarming, touching, tear-jerking moments I’ve ever witnessed. Call it up via ESPN on demand or YouTube. You don’t have to agree with me, but just watch it.

NEXT WEEK: Those nasty F-words and reaction to free agency. Plus deeper, time-taken, introspective reflection on signings and trades (Cutler to the Jets?).

See you next time.

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