Hey Premier League fans, welcome back! Did you miss me? Well buckle up, because throughout the Premier League season—that’s right, 38 grueling weeks baby—I’ll be bringing you every thought I can muster.
You want predictions? Maybe! Reactions? Sure! Awards? Perhaps! Hot takes? Well… how about I just agree to try my best?
So let’s get to it, shall we? As always, suggestions are welcome but not always well taken. Anger is encouraged if you direct it somewhere else—I recommend a mirror, for starters. Plaudits are appreciated, just make sure they’re deserved.
Comeback of the Week: Stoke City
This goes without saying, as Stoke was the only club all weekend to come from behind to salvage a result. The Potters have both Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting and Manchester United’s shoddy defending to thank for that. However, Choupo-Moting’s goals were the first two goals United had allowed all season.
We never know which Stoke City is going to turn up. Turns out, United ran into the never-say-die Potters on Saturday.
Shock of the Week: Fraud de Boer Gets the Sack
Just kidding, this could’ve been seen from miles away:
Frank De Boer won't make it two months.
— TyRanftitar (@Shaun_TSP) August 26, 2017
And, as we said last week:
“Before September ends, we’re losing at least two managers. Fraud de Boer will be the first. Is that even a hot take now?”
Not only have Crystal Palace dropped the first four matches of their Premier League season, they’ve also failed to score in either of them. That’s a first. After 85 days in charge of Inter Milan, he lost his job. After 77 days in charge of Crystal Palace, he lost his job.
Something tells me…he’s not very good at his job. Hey, remember when Tottenham fans were excited to potentially have this guy manage Spurs? I mean, we all make mistakes. Speaking of, Roy Hodgson is rumored to be Fraud’s—we mean Frank’s—replacement.
You remember old Hodgsy, right? You know, the 70-year-old manager who couldn’t assemble a competent gameplan with all of the young, exciting attacking talent the English National Team had at their disposal? I’m sure he’s going to do just great with Palace!
Individual Performance of the Week: Danny Welbeck, Pascal Gross, and Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting
Yes, we’re choosing to make this week’s honor a three-way tie. After all, we make up the rules here on this weekly column.
First off, Danny Welbeck had a foot in all three goals—netting two, assisting one—as Arsenal rolled over AFC Bournemouth (3-0). Secondly, Pascal Gross scored Brighton’s first two goals of the match—and season—in their eventual 3-1 victory over West Brom. Suffice to say, we don’t see that type of performance from Tony Pulis’ men often. And lastly, Choupo-Moting. As noted earlier, he scored both of Stoke’s goals on Saturday—one to put them ahead, the other to equalize.
All three of these clubs needed performances like this. The only question that remains is: can they build off of them?
Whopper of the Week: Sadio Mané’s High Kick
I mean, this isn’t really a debate anymore, right? I mean, right? Did you see that kick? Perhaps Sadio Mané didn’t expect Ederson to be there. However, there is such a thing as situational awareness. I believe Mané was by no means malicious, but this was always a red. Always. I mean, watch this:
Match of the Week: Stoke City vs. Manchester United
Again, this is essentially by default. The only other match that comes close is Leicester City/Chelsea. Stoke versus United was open, back and forth, and all in all an exhilarating contest. Sunday’s matchups were a grind (two 1-0 results) but most of Saturday’s contests were lopsided. At the end of the day, Stoke/United was a breath of fresh air.
Strange, if you really think about it.
Gimme those hot takes: Henrikh Mkhitaryan is going to notch 20 assists this season. You heard it here first. Probably.